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| going thru blogs and xangas and such these days because i have more time and...mei and becky are gone. but it's pretty crazy seeing a glimpse of what God's doing in all these different people's lives in all these different ways.
i used to be confused about how ministry should be because i wanted to find the "right" way. but now i'm seeing how huge God is... being with people who have a heart for things that seem so different and have different convictions about what's important and what God would have us do. i'm seeing that God's so sovereign that He's filling up every place in every way, building up His church and equipping individuals to build up His body and bring His sheep Home from the ends of the earth... a sister serving the homeless here in LA, my buddies serving the youth in Chinatown NYC, sister that wants to serve prisoners equipping them with business skills, bro in college w/ burden for churched people who may end up finding out too late that they are not truly Christians, one of my girls here who wants to go to a 3rd world country to minister to poor people because that's where she grew up, my brothers and sisters who (right now) are EVing and discipling in BJ (and soon LZ), people w/ desire to go overseas but called to minister in the US workplace for now, parents trying to raise children to fear and follow God, my brothers and sisters here that I'm co-laboring with in LA..discipling college students. so many needs and so many people in different parts of the world in differing life circumstances.. all needing to experience God is so many individual ways. glad that God is so big that He is completely sovereign and deeply personal. seeing how His judgment is unsearchable and ways beyond tracing out and i'm thankful for the family members He's placed in my life thru the seasons. they (you) are a grace gift to me.
seeing also though, the shortcomings and ways we, as humans, sometimes fall into different tendencies once God places something on our hearts...sometimes we get caught in extremes that may not be consistent with the Word, and i catch in myself and others pride and bitterness come out... extreme of a lot of loveless talk that condemns or the other of not sharing the only Word and Truth that saves in the end... of not being willing to be "in the world" as He called us to be or of not walking holy as He called us to because we want to be relevant.. of being consumed in things that are temporal or of neglecting the small acts of faithfulness and obedience that makes us fit to be entrusted with much. of spending a lot of time in prayer without seeing that God is calling us to go be a part of His answering that prayer tho it may be hard or of doing a lot of work without seeking God and relying on His power, of not being willing to be a light first here in my own city/country or of not being willing to go.. think i've gone back and forth thru all the extremes- maybe multiple times each. guess that's why ultimately my devotion has to be to the Person of Jesus Christ- the Way, who came..full of grace and truth- not to a human cause, movement, method, or ministry.
Oh for a closer walk with Thee..
wanting to know the next step of devotion in action.
please pray for a whole heart, fixed gaze, and feet fitted with the readiness that comes with the Gospel of peace.
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| Some verses that have been on my heart lately:
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." - John 12:24
"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." - Mark 8:35
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And for those who've asked/are wondering...
I'm doing: better than I deserve.*
It's hard learning to pour out and die to self daily- esp. going out onto campus to share the good news with strangers. So I thought that it was hard because I was far away from home and Cornell...you know, my home turf. But really, it's just that I've never been so directly challenged by God to love. It's like God's been asking "how much do you love?" Yup, and this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But..if I take a step back and actually think about where I am, it's like.."Who am I that You would bring me this far and bless me so much?" If I think about myself- this random Staten Island, East Coaster now at USC (where's that anyways?!) and how California was always SO foreign to me, not to mention Kyrgzystan, Kazahkstan, and China ...crazy. Ayumi asked me why I was all smiley at church...cause it's when I take my eyes off of the stuff that's hard and look around and think about how I'm praising with brothers and sisters here whom I love dearly, learning and running along with all these older witnesses, fellowshipping with like-minded family...and if I think about how I know Him now in a way I never did before....it's amazing. And, most importantly, when I look upward to HIM (as I've been slowly learning to do)..wow. God is so real. When I think about how small the step of faith to come here was (though it seemed so huge at the time) and how much He's blessed through it..man..it's mind boggling.
When I start thinking about how these faith steps are going to be bigger and harder to take each time, it's a bit scary. Coming out felt like a big deal and 2 years sounded like such a long time...It's sobering thinking about how it's gonna get harder. But I guess this was the first time I've tested out what it means to step out in faith and follow Jesus...and I've tasted (a TINY TINY bit), and it's good. He's never been sweeter to me.
So yeah, as much as I've been resisting saying it, I love it here and wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Thank You, Jesus for saving me from sin, self, and my plans towards my own purposes. "You are good, and what You do is good." (Ps. 119:68a)
*Living the Cross Centered Life reference | | |
| What: V-WET 06/07!!
Who: Me, Rita, Lorin , Ed, and mike
Where: Chinar
When: Dec. 13, 2006 - Jan. 11 (?), 2007
Why: we have some good news to share
lemme know if you're not already on my emailing list and you wanna be added
please pray!
more to come later! | | |
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